


A Path for Your Steps Alone

by DanyellaSkylerSilverfire, notbug (KageKashu)



Series: Reconciliation-verse (or: Madara is kinda Crazy. Everyone's learning to live with it.) [6]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Amputation, And the Consequences Thereof, Body Dysphoria, Buried Alive, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, NOT A KINK, Nightmares, Other, Panic Attacks, Serious Injuries, Teen Pregnancy, Whumptober 2018, canon typical casual violence, murder and assassination, non recreational drug use, sorry i missed that one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-04 14:58:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16348874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanyellaSkylerSilverfire/pseuds/DanyellaSkylerSilverfire, https://archiveofourown.org/users/KageKashu/pseuds/notbug
Summary: A series of nonlinear drabbles in the Reconciliation-verse for Whumptober. Mostly dark, but occasionally soft.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There will be nothing explicit, but if the tags concern you in any way, now's the time to back out. This one is going to be pretty dark. More tags _will be added_. There will also be nothing that is absolutely necessary for the main narrative, so you can skip out without missing anything important.
> 
> Updates Tues morning and Friday afternoon. (Unless the rest of the prompts suddenly abandon me.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days 1-7

Day 1 - “Stabbed” 129w (Just after current.) 

* * *

In dreams he couldn’t work past it. The blade was still in his hands, Yoshihiko’s lips against his. Life fleeing his body, agonizing second after second, and Tobirama was... 

If there was such a thing as Hell, that’s where he was going at the end of this. Because it wasn’t just Yoshihiko. It was his father too. Minutes after declaring his daughter - Tobirama’s sister - to only be fit as a broodmare for the Senju to steal the Sharingan. 

Then it was Butsuma’s eyes, Butsuma’s shock. Tobirama’s sword, imbedded in his chest. In his mind, the two incidents were the same. He loved them both. 

(And he could remember, one morning, when Madara startled him awake. How close he had been to adding Madara’s blood to one of his blades.) 

* * *

Day 2 - “Bloody Hands” 112w (Just after current.) 

* * *

Tobirama awoke, warm with Madara’s arms around him. It wouldn’t be logical, to look at his hands. He knew that looking wouldn’t change anything. There was no blood. Even if he looked, and he saw it there, glistening in the dark, there was no blood on his hands right now. 

It had been days, and he still wasn’t over it. He’s afraid that he never will be. 

It had only been days. And he wasn’t giving himself time. He shouldn’t need the time. Tobirama is a shinobi. He had done far worse than this. But this was the first time in a long time that imaginary blood was constantly staining his hands. 

* * *

Day 3 - “Insomnia” 108w (Just after current.) 

* * *

While Tobirama shifted in dark dreams, Madara lay awake, staring at shadows. In the daytime, he never heard the clock, ticking away in the kitchen. Why there was a clock in the kitchen was beyond him, but it’s there anyway, and at night, he heard it. It echoed through the house. 

Tic tic tic tic. Just out of sync with Tobirama’s breathing. 

There was a voice he kept expecting. One that would cut through the silence and the infernal ticking, and tell him how he’s lost his way. It would lead him on the path he was meant to take. 

But it was gone. (He should be grateful.) 

* * *

Day 4 - “No, Stop!” 118w (Around current.) 

* * *

Tobirama was dreaming again, his wrist caught in the sheets. It wasn’t the same as the past few nights - he’s agitated, not... mourning. He bit his lip against a whimper, and Madara was just reaching out, prepared to wake him, when the words reached his ears. 

“No! Stop!” His voice was small, not quite scared, but Madara’s hand froze anyway, his heart pounding uselessly in his ears. 

“Wake up,” Madara urged. He thought he knew what kind of dream this was, and he didn’t want to be the one to make it worse. Touching Tobirama now would make it worse. 

For better or worse, Tobirama moved, his wrist came free, and he fell back into a deeper sleep. 

* * *

Day 5 - “Poisoned” 116w (- approx 5 years) 

* * *

Izuna knew something was wrong. He couldn’t put his finger on what it was, but it was there, and he couldn’t keep up with Tobirama today. So he tried to up the ante, breathing flame that the bastard met with a water dragon, only to cloud the field with steam. 

Not quite what he was aiming for, but with any luck, it would be enough to give him back the advantage. 

Except it wasn’t. He underestimated Tobirama. Fatally. 

(Even as he lie on his deathbed, much later, he was still trying to puzzle out what was wrong. It wasn’t something the Senju did. Because he looked just as surprised as Izuna when his blade struck true.) 

* * *

Day 6 - “Betrayed” 111w (- approx 5 years) 

* * *

He wasn’t dead yet. Not when the healers told his brother it was the end. 

He wasn’t dead yet. Not when they treated his body for burial. They skipped so many steps. If anyone was paying close enough attention, they would know this. Why wasn’t anyone there? 

He wasn’t dead yet. Not if he could hear the wretched sounds his brother made as they placed him in his coffin. 

He wasn’t dead yet. He could hear the sounds of dirt hitting the coffin lid, the heart wrenching sounds of his brother sobbing. So close. Close enough that they might speak if only he could open his mouth. 

He wasn’t dead yet. 

* * *

Day 7 - “Kidnapped” 112w (- approx 8 years) 

* * *

Kukaku was thirteen years old. Right arm a bloody stump, eyes dead as she stumbled home. She barely cared when her wounds were treated. She could hardly answer when her father asked her what happened. Who did this to her. 

In the background, a pale wraith lurked, making note of every word out of her mouth. Her brother listened to everything she didn’t say as well. He always did, but right now, if she had the energy, she would hate him for it. 

She broke when her grandmother told her she was pregnant. Screaming angry denials at anything that moved. But eventually, she curled around herself and decided that it was _hers_. 

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days 8-15.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While there are no new warnings, some of the old ones apply for this chapter too!

Day 8 - “Fever” 111w (- 20 years) 

* * *

Hashirama watched from the window, while Baachan worked. Tobirama was so tiny, his face so red, mouth hanging open just to keep breathing. He was only four years old, and he was already dying again. 

Hashirama wanted to be confident. He wanted to be certain that Baachan could keep Tobira going. That her chakra and her poultices and the cold wet cloth on his forehead would be enough. He wanted to believe that Tobirama was strong enough to weather this, just like he already has, every time a new sickness came around. 

But he looked so frail like that. Hashirama could only pray that he got better like every time before. 

* * *

Day 9 - “Stranded” 103w (- 12 years) 

* * *

At twelve years old, it wasn’t the first time Tobirama had found such trouble. Sure, this was the first time he found himself _stranded_ on a perfectly good deserted island, but it wasn’t like he was alone. 

Cousin Keigo probably wasn’t too fond of the situation, but Tobirama thought it was a win as long as they didn’t have to eat any of the crew members. There were plenty of fish in the water, and there was a freshwater spring nearby. They wouldn’t starve or die of thirst. 

As near as he could figure, the worst part of this would be the sunburns. 

* * *

Day 10 - “Bruises” 120w (Shortly pre-current) 

* * *

Madara hissed when Tobirama touched him, and Tobirama sighed. “Come on, you big baby. _You_ wanted to spar.” That earned a pout, but Madara still tried to pull away. “Just let me look at it. I may not be a dedicated healer, but I can handle little bumps and bruises.” 

Once Madara let him uncover the injury, Tobirama had to admit it was more than a bruise. It was a spectacular array of bruises, covering most of his arm. And Madara was still pouting. Tobirama eyed that pout, thoughtful, then he brought chakra to his lips, soft and green, hidden in a smile. 

(If Madara was going to act like a child, Tobirama would be happy to kiss it better.) 

* * *

Day 11 - “Hypothermia” 107w (- approx 6 years) 

* * *

Madara’s had his share of shitty missions. But there was little that sucked more than being alone when disaster strikes. The cracking of ice gave away what was about to happen, but it didn’t give him enough time to get out of the danger zone. 

One more moment to think and he could have kept himself from a dunking. Even that he could have gotten out of with little trouble... Except beneath the ice, there was a strong current, and he was screwed. 

As glad as he was when Izuna showed up to rescue him, it would have been nice if Izuna hadn’t been rescuing an icicle. 

* * *

Day 12 - “Electrocution” 100w (- approx 4 years) 

* * *

Uzumaki Mito was a terror, and Madara was _peeved_ that she hadn’t even noticed or cared who she electrocuted on her way through. Yes, they were enemies. Did that mean she had to treat him as lower than dirt in her scope of existence? 

His muscles spasmed again, and he cursed, trying to push himself back to his feet. Two yards behind him, Kouga groaned piteously. Madara had to give him credit for still being alive. The Uzumaki had been trailing gods be damned lightning, and _Madara_ was still twitching with it. 

For a peon, Kouga was doing quite well. 

* * *

Day 13 - “Stay.” 114w (Near current.) 

* * *

Madara never expected to have to beg for Tobirama to stay. Not permanently. Just. Not to leave right now. Tobirama clearly didn’t want to be here, but Madara needed him. “Stay. Please. I know you’re stressed, but I can’t. Right now I can’t..." 

The lines of Tobirama’s back relaxed. He muttered something incomprehensible at the ceiling before rolling back into bed. “You had better have some kind of distraction ready, because...” He grunted when Madara’s arms wrapped around him. Let out a soft sigh. “Fine. I guess that counts.” 

“Not every day. But... I can’t handle being alone for long right now.” He closed his eyes to the feeling of Tobirama petting his hair. 

* * *

Day 14 - “Torture” 113w (- approx 15 years) 

* * *

They never let him see Kumano's body. Seiryū - named for their mother’s favorite weapon - died avenging her twin, mad with grief and lit with rage, where the clan that had taken them had expected a young woman to be easily manipulated. Obviously they never heard the rumors about Tajima’s only daughter. 

Madara just wanted them back. He heard the whispers among the adults. He knew what happened to his brother. He could only hear so many times about livid blisters and broken bones and deep bruises and lacerations before he came to his own conclusion. 

If he couldn’t have his siblings back... why couldn’t she have left some for the rest of them? 

* * *

Day 15 - “Manhandling” 111w (Just before current) 

* * *

Sometimes, once they were comfortable in each other’s presence, Madara would thoughtlessly manhandle him. Tobirama would find himself shoved aside, dragged closer, or sometimes, picked up and moved wherever Madara felt appropriate. 

He wasn’t _small_. Being treated like this hadn’t been normal even when he was. And he certainly hadn’t appreciated those few times someone felt they could treat him like that. 

Yet with Madara... Each time was different, like when Madara lifted him out of the bathwater. Or moved him on the couch so that they could lay together. Or shouldered him out of the way so that he could yell at Hashirama. 

(With Madara, he kind of liked it.) 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Names:
> 
> Kouga: “Steel fang” (鋼牙 - I had to look this up. The characters on their own are pronounced hogane and kiba, but there’s a ton of different ways to pronounce each character.)
> 
> Kumano and Seiryū: "bear field" (熊野 - a bit of an arrogant ass, but well meaning.) and "fresh waterfall" (清滝, and she still resents that her mother named her so, as it isn't in any way feminine.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days 16-23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of Madara heavy this time. xD

Day 16 - “Bedridden” 111w (- approx 8 years) 

* * *

Kukaku’s remaining elbow was sharp, and for someone whose belly was likely killing her ability to breathe, she could shout. “I’m just trying to help,” he whined, and her elbow came back down on his head. 

“Baachan! Get this fucker out of here! If you won’t let me up, could you at least not subject me to my idiot brother?!” 

Hashirama winced at the sound of Baachan’s voice cracking back into the room. “Can you touch your toes yet?” Baachan had left Kukaku with a condition: If she could touch her toes, Baachan would let her walk all she wanted. 

“Stop being a hag!” 

Being the nice one sure was stressful. 

* * *

Day 17 - “Drugged” 126w (Just after current.) 

* * *

“We’re going to test some mood stabilizers on you. See how you react, so we know what to use when you have an episode.” That’s what Sora told him. And Madara could admit that it was a necessity. 

It’s better than last time. That one caused a manic fit, thankfully short lived. At least this time, he wasn’t doing anything wildly inappropriate. He’s just... laying here. Hands too heavy to even pet a damned rabbit. Mind too slow to care. 

It wasn’t unpleasant. He’ll be useless like this, but it’s probably easier than trying to wrangle him on the other drugs. 

(Until it wore off, all he needed to do was lay in the sun and enjoy the warm hand smoothing his hair down his back.) 

* * *

Day 18 - “Hostage” 116w (- approx 1 year) 

* * *

”They’re good kids.” 

Tobirama was fuming. He didn’t disagree with Hashirama. The self taught “clan” was, indeed, full of good kids, and he wanted them in the village. He wanted to give them proper training, turn them into real shinobi, rather than scared young thugs. 

What he didn’t like was trekking across a third of Hi no Kuni because he was told that someone succeeded in capturing his brother on his way back from the capitol. What he didn’t like was finding Hashirama, not even properly bound, telling the kids how to hide him better. 

What he didn’t like was finding out that his brother was using his captivity as an excuse to take a vacation. 

* * *

Day 19 - “Exhaustion” 111w (- approx 2 years) 

* * *

It was the worst of timing. Tobirama coming off a days long research binge, Madara... doing whatever it was Madara did in the early hours, before others were about. If Tobirama had been paying attention, they wouldn’t have run into each other at all. 

They were exhausted, though no one else ever seemed to notice that Madara was _always_ exhausted. Thankfully, “exhausted” wasn’t “incapable,” or instead of flashing sideways to stare at the suddenly ruined road, Tobirama would be a smear on said road. He wasn’t sure what he said to earn that response, but he knew he wasn’t going to accept blame for the damages this time. 

“You’re telling Sasuke.” 

* * *

Day 20 - “Concussion” 122w (Just after current.) 

* * *

Madara was getting used to Tobirama’s moods. Mostly. Today was different, in that the dark scowl never lifted from Tobirama’s face. Though he was a bit more caustic in his interactions than usual, he did what needed to be done, and kept his misery to himself. So, in spite of his concern, Madara let the matter lie. 

Hashirama wasn’t so wise. Upon visiting, he immediately began a cheerfully noisy interrogation. Madara watched Tobirama’s expression tighten. When Hashirama finally asked him how he was feeling, he just. Grabbed Hashirama and slammed his face into the table. “About like that,” was all he actually said, acting as though he hadn’t just concussed his brother. 

(Though with a head as hard as that, who knows?) 

* * *

Day 21 - “Harsh Climate” 122w (- approx 10 years) 

* * *

Tobirama will never take a mission to the desert again. The only good thing to come of this was the burnoose that kept him from being burned to a crisp. He was still sweating more than was healthy, and he doubted they actually had enough water for the trip. 

Which wouldn’t be a problem for him, normally. In Hi no Kuni, the humidity means he’s rarely without a source of water. In Kaze no Kuni? Even in the scrublands, the air is so dry that he’s chapping. 

He found himself poking at the place deep inside, where his strange connection to the ocean lies. It was quiet. Calm. Confident. No matter what outside appearances say, he’ll never be without water. 

* * *

Day 22 - “Friendly Fire” 118w (- approx 1 year) 

* * *

Madara had been lost in his head lately. It was better than anger, and helplessness, but it felt like drifting. The pall of failure followed at his heels, and it was often all he could do to run his clan. He hated everything about the village. (Izuna wasn’t there.) 

He paused, staring toward Hashirama’s office. Maybe he should leave? Tell Hashirama he can’t handle this, and just. Go. 

The desk slammed into him while he was distracted, and it was so unexpected that he couldn’t fend it off. All the thoughts of leaving evaporated, and he found himself shrieking at the idiots who flung the damned thing at him. “If you’re going to throw furnature, throw it outside!” 

* * *

Day 23 - “Self-sacrifice” 117w (- approx 7 years) 

* * *

It was a clan head’s duty to sacrifice himself for his people. Madara had just never expected that even bandits believed in such things. The man was tall and elegant, long silver hair drifting behind him as he adjusted his grip on his swords. The way he told his people to retreat made it obvious what he planned. 

The jutsu the bandit leader applied to himself was unexpected, as was the sudden wrath with which the he attacked. He had gone from elegant frippery to foaming at the mouth, lightning in his eyes, and Madara couldn’t fend off the attacks anymore. 

A wise man knows when to retreat, and Madara was at least wise enough for that. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Explanation on experimenting on Madara like this: The whole hunter-nin lecture in the Wave Arc. Combine that with drug interactions. They’re basically trying to find something that works and doesn’t fuck him up too much. Also, they don’t exactly have laws against this kind of thing yet, assuming they ever do.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days 24-31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last one! As one might notice, I added a timeframe to these. I've already gone back and added them to the other three chapters as well.

Day 24 - “Drowning” 116w (Just before current.) 

* * *

Tobirama wished his brother and his lover didn’t have such a negative impact on each other’s intelligence. Madara was one of the most intelligent individuals in the village. Hashirama was the most astute manipulator Tobirama has ever known. 

(It wasn’t necessarily a good thing. The ends toward which Hashirama manipulated people were often for his own amusement.) 

In the furo, they scuffle like children, and it began to annoy Tobirama more than it amused him. One shout later, and he was done with the behavior, flooding the furo with such a copious amount of water that the seals that protected the rest of the house activated. At this point, they could drown for all he cared. 

* * *

Day 25 - “Restraints” 114w (- approx 7 years) 

* * *

Like any other clan, the Nara were only occasionally allies, and Tobirama decided that he loathed them as enemies. He especially loathed coming against the current heir. He didn’t know how old Yasutora was, but he dwarfed seventeen year old Tobirama. 

It wasn’t the sheer size of him that Tobirama hated. No, it was because he was quick enough with the Nara’s traditional techniques to trap him. Kagemane was an effective against someone like Tobirama. While he had ways to fight it, he quickly noticed something that increased its effectiveness. 

Because the first time it caught him, he was reminded of something. And he panicked. 

Each time after, he had to force himself calm. 

* * *

Day 25 - “Broken Ribs” 104w (Some time in the near future.) 

* * *

Sora hated meetings enough on normal days. Even days that were as close to perfect as he could have. Today, however, he had just come back from a mission that had gone just sour enough that his ribs were cracked, and he couldn’t rely on his customary habits to present as usual. 

If he was alone, he could ignore it. For a given value of “ignore”. But faced with others? People who he could see changing the way they saw him? 

That was far more difficult to ignore. The physical ache of his ribs was nothing in comparison to the looks from his peers. 

* * *

Day 27 - “I can’t walk.” 117w (Just after current.) 

* * *

This was the absolute worst. Tobirama had come in to the office for clan mail, and all the energy left him. Not that he had much energy to begin with. 

What he really wanted - and while it would pain him to admit it, he wanted it nonetheless - was a hug. But _not the way Hashirama would hug him. Hashirama tended to give painfully constricting hugs, and Tobirama never liked that. 

Perhaps if he stared pathetically long enough, his brother would get the hint, and just carry him home. It would be like controlled cuddling. 

(Hashirama got the point eventually. He even knew that Tobirama’s excuse of being too worn out to walk was just that. An excuse.) 

* * *

Day 28 - “Serious Illness” 108w (- approx 8 years) 

* * *

Lady Megumi wasn’t his birth mother. For all Tobirama had known her all his life, she only had one child of her womb. She had taken ill some time ago and not even Baachan could tell them what was wrong. She was certain that it wasn’t contagious though, so Tobirama visited his other mother with his siblings. 

Butsuma’s death, and the perceived betrayal - his children were supposed to be hers, not his to do with as he pleased! - were hard on her already failing body. Tobirama maintained his stoicism as she told them what he had already suspected. 

She needed their help to put her affairs in order. 

* * *

Day 29 - “Seizure” 124w (- approx 12 years) 

* * *

If Hashirama had known that withdrawals would be this bad, he wouldn’t have begun sneaking shōchū from storage when he was twelve. Three years ago. 

By now, he was long accustomed to it, but had finished the last of his supply yesterday. It wasn’t long before he had the worst headache of his life. That night, he was a miserable, sweating bundle, and Tobirama kept him hydrated through the night. Never accusing, just continuing working. 

The first seizure hit, leaving him on the ground in a twisted mess, when Tobirama was gone on some unnamed task. 

(The task was retrieving liquor, and Hashirama was shamed, but so grateful that Tobirama was willing to do this for him. Later lectures were accepted with good grace.) 

* * *

Day 30 - “Caregiver” 119w (Some time in the near future.) 

* * *

Shimura Danzo was one of the many children in care of Madara’s clan. His mother was one of the few who managed to walk away from Midorisōgen in the years that the Uchiha watched the place. Generally, after finding out that Danzo was one of Yoshihiko’s... spawn, Madara avoided the boy, like he did all others like him. 

That was a mistake. 

Hearing Tobirama’s students talk about their families was enlightening. It was less what Danzo said than what he didn’t say, that convinced Madara to investigate his home life. And if he were less stable, he might have killed the boy’s mother at what he found. 

(Setting him up with Kukaku and Kagami was a much healthier alternative.) 

* * *

Day 31 - “Showdown” 111w (Some time in the near future.) 

* * *

Madara sat silently, for a moment unable to believe what Hashirama had just said. He had to press his fingers against his temples, trying to massage away an idiocy induced headache. After mulling it over, however, Madara realized that Hashirama gave him the thing he needed to get him to behave himself, and an evil grin started to form. “Haashiraaaaamaaaa?” 

Hashirama froze, conspirative smile fading. “What?” 

“You did it. You gave me exactly what I needed.” Madara chortled to himself, ignoring Hashirama’s confused concern. “If you keep up with your bullshit, and Tobirama and I break up because of it? I’ll tell him exactly what you just told me.” 

Hashirama choked. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Names:
> 
> Sora, which I’ve done before but didn’t give the kanji, means sky, or heavens, and is written with a single kanji: 天.

**Author's Note:**

> If there's something that confuses you within, just let me know and I'll try to clarify.
> 
> (Kudos if you can guess the song the title is referring to.)
> 
> (Edit 1/10/19: Tatewaki and Kodachi's names are changed to Kumano and Seiryū.)


End file.
